The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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