She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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