So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
sex in a hospital.. check
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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