oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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