i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
