Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
