Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
