I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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