I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so that wasnt chicken after all
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
