I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
