What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
