this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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