If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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