I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
