New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
