I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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