The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
