Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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