but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
