i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
