Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
