Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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