and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
