READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
