I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
