He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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