The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
