how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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