At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
