And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
