and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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