I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
