What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
