Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
