I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
