mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
