FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
