Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
