So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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