Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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