Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The Olympian is in my bed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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