fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
