So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
