He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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