I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
