I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You've changed since you got that strap on
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
