you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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