dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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