if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
