it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
