Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
